DamSpot’s World

Remember the Good ‘Ol Days? Remember when Tom Delay was just about to be thrown out, because of fraud?

Remember when “Pig Boy” was going to be put away for buying Oxy Contin?

Remember when John…….John…….what IS his last name? Well, anyway, the guy who ran against Bush and was going to help the nation? What was his name? Damn!

Remember when Bush was going to be impeached?

Remember when Karl Rove was going to be indicted?

Remember when the US had balls? Oh, that’s right! The last time we had any balls when there was a John, whose name we could remember, but only because of all the women he poked. Or, that’s all anyone remembers. Remember a stained dress, anyone?

Yahoo! News
Canada, U.S. vie for crown at World Stupidity Awards in Montreal

NELSON WYATTThu Jul 21, 5:23 PM ET

MONTREAL (CP) - The United States will face tough competition from Canada on Friday but this time it has nothing to do with hockey or softwood lumber.

The two countries are going head-to-head for top honours at the World Stupidity Awards, where doofuses get their due.

“This is a year where Canada could do very well and, as a Canadian, I’m very excited,” enthused Albert Nerenberg, of the Main Organization Revealing Obvious Numbskulls, which organizes the event at the Just for Laughs comedy festival.

“The Canadian government has been nominated in the dumbest government of the year category and this is one year where we feel we’ve got a chance.”

Canada will be vying against the United States, Iran, North Korea and the United Nations for that particular Oscar of idiocy crown.

But Prime Minister Paul Martin has already been outshone by President George W. Bush, who is nominated in three categories - stupidest man of the year, stupidest statement of the year, and stupidity award for reckless endangerment of the planet. Martin didn’t get nominated for anything.

Bush dominated last year’s awards, taking the stupidest man prize and the award for reckless endangerment of the planet. Nerenberg admitted the organizers do limit the number of categories featuring the controversial Texan.

“He would essentially be nominated in every category had we not interfered,” Nerenberg said. “We want to give other people a chance. We just feel some of the other great stupidity in the world would go unrecognized if Mr. Bush was allowed to run rampant. But he is doing very well.”

Lewis Black, the award show’s host, agreed about Bush’s contender status.

“He’s always a big one and it just gets worse every day with him,” said Black, the biting commentator on TV’s The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. “His stupidity is almost on a Hall of Fame level.”

Nominations and voting are done on the World Stupidity Awards Internet site and Nerenberg said it’s not easy to make the cut.

“People usually nominate their exes so we eliminate those first of all,” he said. “You can’t just show you’ve done a few stupid things in your life. You have to show some dedication, that you’re a professional.”

It’s the third year for the awards, which will be presented in a lavish ceremony.

Black is a well-known observer of stupidity, ranting at a show Wednesday night about his fellow Americans.

“Canada, help us,” he pleaded. “The most watched channel in America is the weather channel. We don’t even have the energy to look out the window to check.”

Black said in an interview it had been a “spectacular” year for stupidity. “It’s rampant.”

Nerenberg explained the idea for the awards began as a publicity stunt for a documentary he made a few years ago on stupidity and caught on.

However, the more serious implications of stupidity are not lost on the organizers.

“If you look at show business and politics, being dumb and saying dumb things is to your advantage,” Nerenberg said. “That’s probably not a good direction for the world to take with all the big issues facing us.”

Nominations and votes come from all over the world, which this year led to unprecedented attention being given to one nomination, former Ukrainian president Leonid Kuchma.

“It actually made front page news in the Ukraine,” Nerenberg said with some incredulity in his voice. “The various spokespeople for the stupidity awards have been on radio shows and in newspapers across the Ukraine talking about it, which has been very absurd.

“It’s a very popular thing because this guy really is widely seen as being stupid. Ironically, the guy is a former rocket scientist, which makes it all the more funny.”

Besides Bush and Kuchma, contenders for stupidest man include U.S. Senator John Kerry, NHL commissioner Gary Bettman and Players Association director Bob Goodenow (shared) and Conservative columnist Ann Coulter.

“Initially, we were confused but as some people pointed out, if you read what Miss Coulter writes about without looking at her picture, she sounds like the classic bigoted male,” Nerenberg said.

Black said Kerry was a natural for nomination.

“He should be. What are the chances of finding someone who could actually lose to Bush? I mean, you almost had to search. The Democratic party should have been nominated too.”

Stupidest women nominees include Paris Hilton, who is also up for stupidest statement; Paula Abdul; Brangelina; the runaway bride; and Ashlee Simpson, also nominated for dumbest moment.

Other categories include stupidest trend, stupidest TV show; stupidest movie; media outlet which has best furthered ignorance and stupidest award show, which has the stupidity awards itself competing against the Oscars, Grammys, Daytime Emmys and the Golden Globes.

“We’ve done a lot of stupid things ourselves and we ourselves are quite stupid,” Nerenberg said. “We’ve got our fingers crossed.”

The World Stupidity Awards will be given out Friday in Montreal at the Just for Laughs comedy festival. Here are the nominees:

Stupidest Man of the Year: U.S. Senator John Kerry; Former Ukrainian president Leonid Kuchma; columnist Ann Coulter; NHL commissioner Gary Bettman and Players Association director Bob Goodenow (shared); U.S. President George W. Bush

Dumbest Moment of the Year: Ashlee Simpson on SNL; Basketball fight featuring Ron Artest; Prince Harry showing up to party in Nazi suit; Tom Cruise on Oprah; Russell Crowe throwing a phone at somebody’s head.

Stupidest Statement of the Year: “Can you handle my truth?” - Britney Spears; “Go (expletive) yourself.” - U.S. Vice-President Dick Cheney; “Nooooooooooooo” - Darth Vader, in Star Wars: Episode III Revenge of the Sith; “They never stop thinking of ways of harming America, and neither do we.” - U.S. President George W. Bush; “That’s hot.” - Paris Hilton.

Stupidest Movie of the Year: Elektra; The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy; Alexander; Alien vs Predator; The Pacifier

Stupidest Woman of the Year: Paris Hilton; Ashlee Simpson; Brangelina; The Runaway Bride; Paula Abdul

Stupidest Trend of the Year: Religious Fundamentalism of all kinds; War; Crystal Meth; Seeing the Virgin Mary in toast, hamburgers etc…; Climate Change

Stupidest TV Show of the Year: Britney Spears, Chaotic; Surreal Life; The Simple Life; The Beauty and the Geek; Dr. Phil

Dumbest Government of the Year: Iran; United States of America; Canada; North Korea; The United Nations

Stupidity Award for Reckless Endangerment of the Planet: Kim Jong Il, Dictator of North Korea; U.S. President George W. Bush; The Vatican; The Government of Iran; Paris Hilton

Media Outlet Which Has Best Furthered Ignorance: Fox News; CBS News; CNN; Al-Jazeera; Newsweek

Stupidest Award Show of The Year: The Oscars; The Grammys; The Daytime Emmy Awards; The Golden Globes; The World Stupidity Awards

BBC NEWS
US police pursue girl over stone
An 11-year-old girl who threw a stone at a group of boys pelting her with water balloons is being prosecuted on serious assault charges in California.

Maribel Cuevas was arrested in April in a police operation which involved three police cars and a helicopter.

She has since spent five days in detention, in which she was granted one 30 minute visit by her parents, and has spent a month under house arrest.

Her lawyer accuses the authorities of criminalising childhood behaviour.

“They’re treating her like a violent parole offender,” Richard Beshwate said. “It’s not a felony, it’s an 11-year-old acting like an 11-year-old.”

The girl is due back in court at the beginning of next month.

Police say they had to investigate as the boy who was hit by the stone she threw suffered a deep gash to his head and needed hospital treatment.

He has reportedly acknowledged to officers that he started the fight in late April.

‘Obligation’

The confrontation happened in a poor district of Fresno, in central California, where Maribel Cuevas lives with her Spanish-speaking family.

The girl, who speaks little English, has admitted throwing a stone at a group of boys she says were pestering her with water balloons as she walked down the street.

An ambulance was called, but arrived flanked by three police patrol vehicles. A helicopter meanwhile hovered overhead.

The 11-year-old was then read her rights twice in English before being detained.

“We responded. We determined a felony assault had taken place and the officers took the actions that were necessary,” said Fresno Police Sergeant Anthony Martinez.

Another police officer told ABC News that the girl, when asked what she thought would happen if she threw the stone, replied that it would make him “bleed”.

Story from BBC NEWS:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/pr/fr/-/2/hi/americas/4689459.stm

Published: 2005/07/16 17:30:56 GMT

© BBC MMV

COWS
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington, and they tracked her calves to their stalls.

But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country.

Maybe we should give them all a cow.

CONSTITUTION
They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq.

Why don’t we just give them ours?

It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it’s worked for over 200 years and we’re not using it anymore.

TEN COMMANDMENTS
The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments in a Courthouse?
You cannot post “Thou Shalt Not Steal,” “Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery”
and “Thou Shall Not Lie” in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians…

It creates a hostile work environment.

And Last but not least…..

George Carlin said it best about Martha Stewart ..
“Boy, I feel a lot safer now that she’s behind bars. O.J. Simpson and
Kobe Bryant are still walking around; Osama Bin Laden too,

but they take the one woman in America willing to cook, clean,

and work in the yard, and haul her ass off to jail.”

Dear Red States…

We’ve decided we’re leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we’re taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren’t aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole’ Miss.

We get 85 percent of America’s venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama.

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition’s, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we’re going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they’re apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don’t care if you don’t show pictures of their children’s caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we’re not willing to spend our resources in Bush’s Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country’s fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation’s fresh fruit, 95 percent of America’s quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we’re discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

By the way, we’re taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

CLEVELAND, Ohio (AP) — A jury has ruled that McDonald’s Corp. discriminated against a restaurant manager who claimed he was forced out of his job after the company learned he had AIDS.

Ourselves.

Ah, what a week it has been. Bush has fallen off a bicycle, again. It was published on July 4th, that the Iraqi death numbers were around 1841. The G-8 seems to have agreed that they all will wear dark suits. On July 7th, some people set bombs off in the transit system in England, killing over 50 other people, and wounding around 700. Cell Phone pictures got out, despite the fact that Scotland Yard cut off the cell service and people couldn’t check on their relatives. And…..Karl Rove could possibly be joining the “Martha Stewart” prison show.

Now what does any of this have to do with us? Well, our trains, planes and buses have been, once again, turned into armed camps. Subways are being patrolled with m-16’s. And the booga-booga Homeland Security Whiz’s are cranking up their color codes.

But, Rumsfeld, Cheney and Bush say the war is going splendidly. Paul Bremmer pocketed millions. Despite massive over billing, Halliburton continues to receive new contracts. Humvee’s are being replaced with Chryslers to save money. And Iraq has signed a cooperative military agreement with Iran. Gee…..didn’t see that coming!

And……the people of the United States sit in silent ignorance. Republicans continue to send money to the RNC. Democrats continue to show that the Boshoi, isn’t the only group to wear tu-tu’s. And the Rott’s of the world, are calling for open hunting season on anyone Arabic or Muslim.

Where’s the outrage? Where are the impeachment committees? Where are the Dean’s….the Kerry’s?

Where is America?

This is all that is certain, right now.
Sun rises.
Bears crap in the forest.
Pope is Catholic
Frog’s ass is watertight.